Ramblings: Mom Guilt

Yesterday, on my Instastories, I chatted about something that's pretty close to my heart, and something I haven't really discussed before. And, I thought that today, I'd share about it here. Which, can be pretty scary, because this is actually saved to the interwebs, whereas Instastories disappear within 24 hours. 

But, let's chat about mom guilt. I mean, we all have some form of guilt, and with social media, and online forums, the internet, etc. we have access to information and we all freely make our own opinions and judgements. 

When Gretchen was just a few years old, and social media was really taking off, I started hearing to enjoy every single moment with her; kids grow up fast. 

I was told that I should constantly hold her, rock her, play with her, snuggle with her, and that the house and mess could wait. But, that's where I struggled. 

I obviously spent a lot of 1:1 time with her. She was the only child and it was easy. We could quickly clean up her toys and the mess when she went to bed, and our house would stay relatively clean. 

Then, enter two kids.... and then three....

I struggled the most after Adalyn was born. 

I was stuck between having a 5 year old, a toddler, and a baby and I wasn't sure how to keep my house clean and still spend quality time with each of my girls. And, I had a constant present of older women, telling me to hold the baby, rock the baby, play with the kids..... the house could wait. 

But, it wasn't easy. In the back of my mind, my house needed to be cleaned. Dishes needed to go in the dishwasher, laundry needed to be put away. The baby needed to be fed. But, that voice, of the ever wise older woman, with the very best intentions, kept telling me to hold the baby, rock the baby, play with the kids. They grow up so fast. 

And, I was in a tailspin of feeling like a failure. 

Finally, one day, it dawned on me. 

I'm a better mother, when my house is clean. 

When my house is clean, I can focus 100% of my attention on the kids. I can focus on playing with them, reading the book, watching the show, playing outside, and taking longer to tuck them in at night. 

I needed to come to the realization that my kids would be okay if I wasn't playing with them all the time. They were somewhat forced to play with each other, use their imagination, get along. 

And, I could clean the kitchen, run the vacuum cleaner.... which I use to run every single day, and since I ran it so often, it would just sit over in the corner of our living room. DJ referred to it as "our statue." 

See the vacuum hiding over there?

Anyway, now, I've learned to give myself grace. Sure, my house isn't perfect 100% of the time. But, I've also learned that's it's okay if I need to clean, and let my kids play outside, or watch too much TV, or make a big mess in their rooms. 

I've learned that it's okay to put myself, or my house, first every now and then. 

And then, those times that we get together are more special. More focused. Better quality. 

I'm not typing this post to convince other moms to clean their house and forget about their kids. I'm just telling you that sometimes, the older wiser voices, are just that. Voices. Let them be voices, but you do you. Do what you have to do to be that amazing mom that you are! 

And, if you choose to put your kids first, and let your house get messy- I know that you're enjoying those extra cuddles and kisses because they DO grow up fast. 

And, if you have a house cleaner, then you're my #momgoals. 

And if you're Type A like me, and need to clean your house, then tell your kids to go play together, and you get your house clean. 

Just don't let other people make you feel guilty about your choices and always give yourself grace. We're all doing the best we can.